The most “depressing day of the year” is here again and, though the worst of my mental health problems are thankfully behind me, this is a topic that needs addressing. More than once a year ideally as we all should know by now that clinical depression is much, much more than feeling a bit put out about grey skies and empty pockets after Christmas as some brands on social media would have us believe.
My family were concerned that, after losing Stella last Autumn, I may return to the very dark place I’ve visited so often before. But, with their help…plus a loving new man in my life and the support of some amazing people both on and offline, I’ve managed to largely keep the unwelcome black dog away so far this Winter.
I say largely as low points do come. But, they go away quickly now.
My anxiety is very much still with me though I can kick its backside better than before.
The one thing that still plays heavy on my mind is restlessness. I just cant, whatever I try, fall asleep and stay asleep for the night.
I can fall asleep. Pretty good at that. In the cinema, in a car, on the sofa, round your house…but in bed when I fall asleep I still have disturbing dreams and wake up often during the night. Last night was 02:20 after a nightmare in which 3 men were trying to stab me at my parents’ old home! I wake up every morning exhausted and stay tired all day most days.
Since getting rid of the dizzy migraines and losing weight I’ve gone back to an exercise class I loved before. Called Body Balance, it’s a brilliant mix of yoga, pilates, and, t’ai chi. At the end of each session is 10 minutes for relaxation and meditation. Pointless for me. My mind just can’t shut off and, though I’m resting with my eyes closed, I’m fretting about the drive home in the dark, whether I should make something proper to eat when I get in, whether the lovely boyfriend is getting stress from his ex-wife about the children or in pain with his cancer, what appointments I’ve got the next day…whirring whirring whirring with no let up!
Anyone have any tips on how to relax and stay relaxed?