I wasn’t expecting to be writing to you for Woof Wednesday this week. I thought I might put something together soon as April is National Pet Month. Even though you are gone, I’m still madly in love with all the other puppies (and some kittens!)
However, this weekend, something strange happened.
People cant help but notice that I miss your presence every single day. Every single day, five months on, I still smile at a memory or frown at the knowledge I’m visiting somewhere or doing something you’d have loved. Every single day I have the same internal conversation about whether or not there should be a successor to your throne.
I won’t lie, I don’t miss the Dyson being constantly full of thick black hair or the 1am wake-up calls! Being able to make spontaneous plans with my other half with no need for doggy daycare is refreshing. Considering holiday destinations just for humans is a novelty. I don’t half miss your sweet face though.
Sunday morning, Mothers Day. Full-on grief returned with a great big bang and I spent hours sobbing huge wet tears. Where were my morning nosekisses? Why was there no yellow ball to throw under that beautiful blue sky? Why couldn’t you still be here to share smiles with my favourite boy when we took Granny to lunch? Grandad’s garden seems so big and empty without you. Oh how F’s children would have loved you so much too.
I’m in no doubt that you were ready for the Rainbow Bridge. But I have to tell you again that you were absolutely the best friend a girl could wish for. I just wish so much for you to be here still, embracing the new joys I’m discovering too.
I wasn’t prepared at all for the grief to return with such force. Maybe I didn’t cry enough when you left? After all, I was more prepared for your departure than I was for Brodie’s. I do remember being engulfed in the same sadness and loss but not shedding as many tears. I remember feeling I was dealing with it all rather well and thanking family and friends (especially to Uncle N for being with me at the vets, and to F for just being there) for all their support.
The first Mothers Day in 12 years without my child substitute started off very emotionally indeed.
I’m pleased to say, with human intervention, the day overall turned out to be pretty brilliant. But, for a sunny day, my cheeks were very damp indeed.
Mummy misses you baby girl; I hope you’re loving Heaven xox